And now another public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood pop-off:
Any dude over the age of 25 who tells you he doesn’t sing “I got a vag diseeaaase…” as the opening line to Soul to Squeeze by RHCP is lying straight to your face.
The level of how bad you need to shit is inversely proportionate to the cleanliness of the bathroom that will be available to you. If your contractions are still minutes apart, the bathroom will be sparkling clean with decorative soaps and lavender scented quad-ply TP. If you’re about to poop your panties the bathroom you run into will look like you’re at a truck stop in Tiajuana. That’s why I haven’t shit in public since ’97.
A recent Huffington Post article states that a 2014 poll of 100 guys suggests that single men only change their sheets once every 8 months. I change my sheets every time I change girlfriends, beating the national by over 7 months.
Coffee tastes infinity times better with a hangover and a whispy ass 3-day beard.
Sometimes it’s worth sacrificing one of your favorite boots in order to make a stealthy escape in the morning.
There are only 175 more days until elk season.
If people knew the thoughts that go through my head, they’d arrest me just for thinking them.
Jesus was a fly fisherman.
Until next time boys and girls, keep your pecker hard and your powder dry. And remember, Uncle Hickory loves ya.