And now, another Public Service Announcement from your friendly neighborhood pop-off….
-There are 133 loooong days left until elk season.
-The average person spends $5,400 at McDonald’s in their lifetime. The rest of us will spend about 13 times that much paying for your diabetes meds and foot amputation surgery.
-If you bang a married person, you’re a homewrecker (no, the hypocrisy is not lost on me), but if you bang somebody married a serviceman or woman you’re a terrorist and if get drone striked don’t say I didn’t warn you.
-Speaking of terrorism… If you send Candy Crush invites, say “The struggle is real” or can’t differentiate between “you’re” and “your” I hope your next post includes #thefoodatGITMOsucks
-If you meet a gal with both nipples pierced she’s a certifiable freak. Each of us is only allowed 3 or 4 bona-fide freaks in our lifetime and if you’re not a black belt in freakanomics PUHLEASE don’t crawl into the ring with this girl. She’ll ruin your life. Swipe left and leave her for the rest of us. If you meet a gal with only one nipple pierced it means 1 of 5 things, text me and I’ll explain to you what you might be dealing with.
-I would beat the brakes off that Australian girl from Focus.
-I got the Braves to win the NL East at 30-1 and I’m not mad at that decision.
-If your an Astros fan, I genuinely empathize with you. They haven’t been good since Jesus left Chicago. God bless you for staying loyal. #thestruggleisreal. Hit me up on Candy Crush for my full MLB rankings.